What if. . .

I had a coffe and chat (C&C) with Miller Templeton yesterday evening. We get together about every 3-4 weeks or so and have been since the fall of my junior year. Sometimes we talk about certain books or topics, but most of the time we just share the latest that is going on in our lives. This time we chatted about the fall retreat, upcoming trips, Hurricane Katrina, and as always, Paul and our relationship. I filled him in on Paul's latest decision to go to grad school next fall, possibly not in Atlanta. I told him about our conversation last week and how I was feeling about his decision now (much more comfortable with it now, but come spring. . .) Miller posed a lot of "what if" questions to me, one really far out one- "If Paul asked you to marry him next year and wanted you to move to California while he was in grad school, what would you say?" and one question that I have asked myself many times and made the mistake of asking Paul (he freaked out and thought I took a talk of ours too far)- "What if you and Paul do get married, what kind of ceremony would you have?" I consider a lot of "What if" questions, but I rarely share my thoughts with many people, just a few of my close girl friends. I don't think Paul considers marriage to me very seriously, he needs a lot more time and I know that and am content for now. I just hope as more time passes I get less scared about getting hurt, about investing so much time and effot only to be left behind for good. I'm just worried if we were never again in the same city, he would never be comfortable with settling down, but who knows, that crazy boy may surprise me one day. What if. . .